post (pablo)

•March 26, 2009 • Leave a Comment

more smaller, more slower, more unproductive, more resentful

practicing performing being a member of the audience (pablo)

•March 23, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I’ve been thinking for quite a while about the places of exposition of the choreographer, the places in which I can take the risk that the performers are taking. or the places in which I can accompany them in that risk.

one of them is, of course, the blog. one of the aspects I like about writing the blog is that it also makes me public. specially my stupidity and limitations, and my doubts and insecurities. I find it fair (and hopefully constructive?) to have a space where I am also forced to let go of my shyness, where I can’t be safe in not being seen.

another one is the bow. I always bow with the performers not so much because I like to do it, but because I like to have the gesture of taking responsibility. whatever the response of the audience is, I like to be share it with the performers.

and the last one, which I experienced very very strongly in these performances, is sitting in the audience. feeling also a bit exposed there (maybe because, in our audiences, many people know who is involved in each work), also taking responsibility. but I noticed specially this time how much there is to sense, to have a supportive presence – supportive both for the performers and for the audience. to transpire good energy. to resist the temptation to indicate things with your body, to resign any gesture of guiding the other spectators. to relax, to not take personally the reactions of the audience. to enjoy laughs, comments, sighs, yawns, noises, coughs, creaks, farts, etc, as signs of a live audience, of people sharing their time with us.

these days, sitting in the audience was very intense. almost like performing.

after before (pablo)

•March 23, 2009 • Leave a Comment

one post before the feedback meeting of tomorrow. or: one after the performances of yesterday (and the day before, and the other). I thought that it would be good to write down some thoughts on things just after the performances, and just before getting informed by our guests/outside eyes/advisers/evaluators (o sea: Gabriel Smeets, Gonnie Heggen, Marcel Bogers, Igor Dobricic & Johan Forsman).

where to start? or: what to start with? or: what to write about? …

how to look back? how not to refer to other people’s comments? it is very difficult during the process and also during the performances and also afterwards, to look at the work, to look at the piece and be innocent, to look at it without knowing everything, without knowing what it wants to be, without seeing what one would like to see. but I also don’t want to react only on what other people saw in it. that will come later. the whole point of writing now, is to write before reflecting on other people’s feedback.

I am very happy with the piece. I am happy with the changes triggered by our discussion after the dry-run. it made the piece more difficult to perform, and it set (improvisational) goals that are much more difficult to achieve, but the overall thing became much more risky and unique. and, strangely enough, very compact. I felt that the piece created a lot of strange tensions, a certain uneasyness that anyways kept the audience engaged or curious. the 3′ of darkness became more important than what I had foreseen, they seemed like a very necessary space for relief, for restarting things, for letting go. I don’t know exactly how to explain, but I was expecting the (long) blackout to restart the piece, but it felt more like it allowed for the audience to restart.

I felt that the movement material lost of a bit of its richness and complexity in the new structural choices, but on the other hand the whole issue of disociation and performing concentration became very potent. I think the long improvisations would need still more work (I don’t know in which sense) to allow for the audience to find the nuance within that kind of range – not to expect that the improvisations need to be more extreme but to be able to experience the sophistication and diversity within a very constrained range (of intensities, of options, of volumes, of durations, etc). I think some of it was there, but it could be much more captivating…

and then, though it’s been said over and over, here it is once more: the process was wonderful, and the people that worked in it were great. I am enjoying more and more the aspect of processes that is about constructing the working teams, the conditions, the connections, the relations, the communications. and these people were super commited and open, and worked really great (once more: thank you).

I am very grateful to have found something out of the not knowing where we were going… on some levels it’s been tough, it’s made me feel a bit detached, but maybe it’s ok: we were working with a lot of detachment, anyways. though I do regret not having produced a better picture, or a graphic design that was more connected to the piece.

so let’s see… I hope that will suffice for today. tomorrow will be another day.

toitoitoi (maria)

•March 22, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Hola chicos!

Here I am back in Buenos Aires, spent a week trying to readjust to the new environment, will spend one week being really happy and oblivious of everything but the sound of the crickets and the mosquito bites, and one week trying to remember why I’m coming back to icy Holland…

Anyway, in the middle of all that, I’ve been thinking about you all, being a bit excited and a bit nervous all the same (it surprised me), but mostly really happy that I was able to be a part of this project. It was an awesome process, and for what I read in the blog, it was an awesome performance.

Congrats and enjoy it!!!

family, generation, telephone (pablo)

•March 21, 2009 • 1 Comment

my father was on the phone last night, talking to his mother (o sea, my grandmother). we had just came back from having a drink after the performance, and I overheard the conversation, but of course, only his part of it:

“yeah, yeah, the premiere, yes… it was great, people wouldn’t stop clapping… really nice, yes… he was sitting with me in the tribune, he was watching… no, no music… no, no music at all… well, you know how it is with these contemporary dance things… no, not on their toes, no pointe shoes… no, really, no music… well, what can you do…”

premiere (pablo)

•March 21, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I loved today’s performance. many things came together. also all the tech worked quite fine, in spite of yesterday’s accidents with the TLs. I loved sitting in the middle of the audience and being completely stressed about it and just working a lot on trying to sense them, to feel how people were reacting… quite intense. I had the feeling that the audience was quite activated by the piece, and that made me happy. they might have been thinking a lot of things, but they felt sort of uneasy and yet engaged, people seemed to be very restless. and quite reactive. so maybe we just were lucky to have a very lively (and full) audience… it was great.

and then: performers worked great today, I loved their energy and timing, I felt very moved and I appreciated a lot their work. thank you guys again…

I try (pablo)

•March 19, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I try to keep posting, but it’s not easy. too many things happening.

general rehearsal today, went well, or well enough. I quite liked the work of the performers, and I think …

sorry can’t write today. need to sleep.

another time