one of them is, of course, the blog. one of the aspects I like about writing the blog is that it also makes me public. specially my stupidity and limitations, and my doubts and insecurities. I find it fair (and hopefully constructive?) to have a space where I am also forced to let go of my shyness, where I can’t be safe in not being seen.

another one is the bow. I always bow with the performers not so much because I like to do it, but because I like to have the gesture of taking responsibility. whatever the response of the audience is, I like to be share it with the performers.

and the last one, which I experienced very very strongly in these performances, is sitting in the audience. feeling also a bit exposed there (maybe because, in our audiences, many people know who is involved in each work), also taking responsibility. but I noticed specially this time how much there is to sense, to have a supportive presence – supportive both for the performers and for the audience. to transpire good energy. to resist the temptation to indicate things with your body, to resign any gesture of guiding the other spectators. to relax, to not take personally the reactions of the audience. to enjoy laughs, comments, sighs, yawns, noises, coughs, creaks, farts, etc, as signs of a live audience, of people sharing their time with us.

these days, sitting in the audience was very intense. almost like performing.

where to start? or: what to start with? or: what to write about? …

how to look back? how not to refer to other people’s comments? it is very difficult during the process and also during the performances and also afterwards, to look at the work, to look at the piece and be innocent, to look at it without knowing everything, without knowing what it wants to be, without seeing what one would like to see. but I also don’t want to react only on what other people saw in it. that will come later. the whole point of writing now, is to write before reflecting on other people’s feedback.

I am very happy with the piece. I am happy with the changes triggered by our discussion after the dry-run. it made the piece more difficult to perform, and it set (improvisational) goals that are much more difficult to achieve, but the overall thing became much more risky and unique. and, strangely enough, very compact. I felt that the piece created a lot of strange tensions, a certain uneasyness that anyways kept the audience engaged or curious. the 3′ of darkness became more important than what I had foreseen, they seemed like a very necessary space for relief, for restarting things, for letting go. I don’t know exactly how to explain, but I was expecting the (long) blackout to restart the piece, but it felt more like it allowed for the audience to restart.

I felt that the movement material lost of a bit of its richness and complexity in the new structural choices, but on the other hand the whole issue of disociation and performing concentration became very potent. I think the long improvisations would need still more work (I don’t know in which sense) to allow for the audience to find the nuance within that kind of range – not to expect that the improvisations need to be more extreme but to be able to experience the sophistication and diversity within a very constrained range (of intensities, of options, of volumes, of durations, etc). I think some of it was there, but it could be much more captivating…

and then, though it’s been said over and over, here it is once more: the process was wonderful, and the people that worked in it were great. I am enjoying more and more the aspect of processes that is about constructing the working teams, the conditions, the connections, the relations, the communications. and these people were super commited and open, and worked really great (once more: thank you).

I am very grateful to have found something out of the not knowing where we were going… on some levels it’s been tough, it’s made me feel a bit detached, but maybe it’s ok: we were working with a lot of detachment, anyways. though I do regret not having produced a better picture, or a graphic design that was more connected to the piece.

so let’s see… I hope that will suffice for today. tomorrow will be another day.

Here I am back in Buenos Aires, spent a week trying to readjust to the new environment, will spend one week being really happy and oblivious of everything but the sound of the crickets and the mosquito bites, and one week trying to remember why I’m coming back to icy Holland…

Anyway, in the middle of all that, I’ve been thinking about you all, being a bit excited and a bit nervous all the same (it surprised me), but mostly really happy that I was able to be a part of this project. It was an awesome process, and for what I read in the blog, it was an awesome performance.

Congrats and enjoy it!!!

“yeah, yeah, the premiere, yes… it was great, people wouldn’t stop clapping… really nice, yes… he was sitting with me in the tribune, he was watching… no, no music… no, no music at all… well, you know how it is with these contemporary dance things… no, not on their toes, no pointe shoes… no, really, no music… well, what can you do…”

and then: performers worked great today, I loved their energy and timing, I felt very moved and I appreciated a lot their work. thank you guys again…

general rehearsal today, went well, or well enough. I quite liked the work of the performers, and I think …

sorry can’t write today. need to sleep.

another time

I don’t know how did time pass so quickly, but it was great to manage the 2 runs. I know people are very tired, and that everyone’s days are very long, but at the same time we won’t have many opportunities to work in the space, so it’s great to make a thorough use of that time. on wednesday we will be able to work a bit after the tech-run, but afterwards we will have barely a daily hour to warm-up and discuss things, so not much time to really focus on changes or specific things.

in any case, going back to the runs, it was quite strange how different they were. the first one was very dragged and clumsy in timing, and yet it did seem to have a proper duration (a bit over 30′). I was completely surprised with the 2nd run being only 22′… somehow too short while, on the other hand, it had a much better timing and worked quite well. I hope we will find a compromise between both.

it’s funny how in the theater it seems to get much darker, but I think several things operate. besides the space being bigger than the studio (specially in terms of height), I think there were 2 issues at play. one is the distance, the fact that the performers were not so close to the audience. the other one is the emergency exit light from the back… it’s amazing how any little bit of other light can completely destroy what the choice of just one TL creates. I think it is very crucial to get that light out.

I was also quite happy today to finally get to try (more or less) all trhoughout a soundscape for the piece. I think there need be some adjustments, but it was great to feel that some of the ideas do work and that in the worst case scenario it could even be done with this recording. but, luckily enough, Merijn will have some time to retouch it.

I am looking forwards to seeing the Whole Thing, including the proper break with the jumping, breaking the TLs, etc, etc… Stephie’s role is working, though her choreography is still a bit messy. costumes are done, and it’s actually the first time in my life that I am quite happy and convinced about how they work. the lighting is sort of radical, still a bit on the edge but I like its roughness and a sort of fragility in it? I think the soundscape will be a very good layer. the spatial choices are very exciting. and the whole material and the performing is also very exciting. it is also fragile, on the verge of failing, but sometimes (maybe because of that) very exciting. I am glad to have found a deal in which I had to give up (part) of the control over the materials, and though it is very demanding for the performers, I think it’s totally worth it. and: that at least these performers are up to the challenge.

I’m very happy, all in all. I finished today’s rehearsal quite energized. I was sorry to see everyone so tired, but I tried not to let it get in my way. it was very important to see things coming together. many of the practicalities are getting sorted out, and though we still need to arrange things (that’s what we have rehearsals and tech rehearsals for…), it seems pretty much on the way…

the run was a bit messy, and I’m sorry for that. but I am anyways quite confident that this new structure will work well. there is a complex issue of timing, which is essential for the piece to work, but which is not about cueing and cool timing together. I think it is difficult because there needs to be two quite autonomous tracks (the 4 people on one, Stephie and the TLs in the other), both with specific timing needs that need to be overlapped but not logically connected. I mean that the timing of one track should not affect the other (it is in that sense that I mean there is no cueing), but they do need to sort of complement each other… wow, come to think about it, maybe there is where the polyphony really appears: it’s not a harmonic construction of ‘chords’ on top of a melodic line (such as, the TLs accompanying the dances) but rather 2 lines evolving on their own, yet articulated in their cohabitation of the space. and this articulation, I think, is the thinking of their timings in relation to each other.

Stephie’s role seems a lot more clear now (Lotte also observed that), in spite of how complicated it was to rehearse it today. I like it a lot to see her much more integrated into the group and again, though in a completely different track, she belongs clearly to the ‘performers’. it works much better to have her cross the space, go through the group and relate to the space in a similar way (through the use of the eyes). her task(s) are still much more reduced than the group’s, and her choreography is independent from theirs, but now it looks very natural that she would share their performativity.

I am getting excited… and though it’s not so easy to know what and how to rehearse from here, I think the perspective is very good. I had the feeling today that sometimes the work before the run is too exhausting, but it also seems to clarify and enhance some senses. in any case we don’t have so much time left. we will probably be running it more in the next few days.

prepare yourselves for some jumping…